What Matters
by Sweetgrass
Summary: Gourry comes to a decision


Disclaimer: I own neither the Slayers or the song What Matters. This story is for entertainment purposes only.  
  
What Matters  
//Have you given up on passion living day to day?  
You keep your dreams locked down inside,  
Choking on a life time of never taking a chance.  
Don't wake up some morning wishing you tried.  
  
The next morning as Mei-Ling served Gourry his breakfast she said, "Gourry, Rei wants to see you this morning. But you keep it short. She didn't sleep well last night, I tell ya. And she needs her rest."  
  
Gourry stopped eating and nodded his head. After swallowing he asked, "How's she really doing Mei-Ling?""   
  
"Well now Gourry, on her bad days she's in terrible pain, I'll tell ya. But on the good days she's like her old self. And it just about breaks my heart; I'll tell ya. Because it's true she's really dying. Every day she seems to slip a little more. Especially after that healer told her there was no cure. Now hurry up finish your breakfast. Then go see Rei. She'll be waiting."   
  
Gourry stood up leaving his half-full plate. "I'll go see her now. Suddenly, I'm not hungry."  
  
Mei-Ling watched Gourry head out of the kitchen. She moved to the table and looked at his half-eaten plate. As she scarped the plate she muttered to herself. "He only ate 4 and1/2 servings this morning. That's just not like him I tell ya. That boy is surely troubled." Shaking her head she began to clean the kitchen.  
  
On the way to Rei's room, Gourry saw Shara. He went up to her. "Shara, I'm going to see Rei. If I'm not out by nine, could you please start the class's warm up exercises?"  
  
"Sure, Gourry. No problem. You know if you want me too I could teach the morning class."  
  
"Yea, that would be great. Today, I'm teaching blocking. Thanks."  
  
"Think nothing of it. Now, hurry up. Rei's waiting."  
  
"Come in, Gourry." Rei called out when Gourry knocked on her door.   
  
Gourry walked in and headed over to Rei. He bent down and kissed her check. "How are you doing today?"  
  
"I've seen better days, and had worse," Rei said as she gestured for Gourry to sit. As he sat she continued. "Gourry, something occurred to me last night. I never asked if you would be leaving someone behind if you took over the dojo. So I'm asking now. Is there?"  
  
"Um, well umm, you see," Gourry began. Seeing that he was trying to avoid the question, Rei decided to be more blunt. "Gourry, who's Lina?"  
  
"Lina?" Gourry said shocked. "How do you know about Lina?"  
  
"Never mind how I know," Rei said refusing to admit she had been eavesdropping. "I want you to tell me about her."   
  
So Gourry started speaking. He told Rei how he first met Lina. They both laughed when he explained that at first he thought Lina was a child. He talked for hours telling Rei of his many adventures with Lina, like the time they had gone hunting for Sea dragons and she used him as bait. He talked of the major battles against Phibrizzo and Shabernigo. He even told Rei about his deepening feelings for Lina and his decision to leave when he received Rei's letter.  
//It ain't about the money.  
It ain't about the time.  
It ain't about the love you lost or the things you think you left behind.  
It ain't about the losing streak that makes you feel like you're falling apart.  
What maters is your heart.   
  
When he finished speaking Rei said, "Gourry, you know your happiness means the world to me. I would never begrudge you going after the woman you love. So what's really stopping you?"  
  
Gourry laughed humorously. "Am I really that transparent?" he asked. He leaned forward and took her hand. "You mean the world to me. I love you dearly. And well, the thought of leaving you. Now that you really need me, maybe as much as I need you, it breaks my heart. I'm terrified that you'll die while I'm away and I'll never get a chance to say goodbye."   
  
He glanced up at Rei. It was essential she understood what he was saying. Rei squeezed his hand in understanding.   
  
"But there's another reason why you don't want to go. Isn't there?" she said.  
  
"Yea, there is." Gourry said as he released her hand. He stood up walked to the window. He looked out and saw the training yard. There Shara was taking a group of boys through warm up exercises. He watched them for a few moments, gathering up his thoughts. Then still turned to the window, he began talking. "I'm terrified that she won't love me. Oh, she would break it to me gently. We might even try to remain friends but my confession would sit between us until one day she would leave. Leaving me behind an empty shell."  
  
"Oh, Gourry. That's pure nonsense," Rei protested.  
  
"Is it, Rei? After all, my own father doesn't love me. And maybe he's right. Maybe I don't deserve love. After all I killed my own mother. Why should I deserve happiness?"  
  
//Let's forget about the notion we're not the same.  
My blood runs as red as yours.  
We all get angry.  
We've all been scared.  
We've all made mistakes that can never be repaired  
But we can make a difference.  
I know we can.  
  
Rei gasped shocked at his words. She had thought she exorcised those thoughts from Gourry long ago. There were times she wanted to kill Gourry's father for blaming Gourry for his wife's death.  
  
"Baka!" Rei said. "Now you listen here. You did not kill your mother. It wasn't your fault she contracted a fever after giving birth to you I don't know why you insist you killed her."  
  
"Because it's true. If my difficult birth hadn't weakened her, she wouldn't have been susceptible to the fever. If she hadn't been recovering from my 38-hour delivery; she would have been able to fight the fever. Hell, she probably never would have even contracted the fever if it weren't for me. That's what father always told me. And in my heart I know it's true."  
  
"Gourry, you father is a bastard. He took his grief and anger over losing her out on you, an innocent child. He blames you because he is weak and stupid. He forgets how much having a child meant to her. I think it's time you heard the entire story. You see they had been trying for years to have a child. You father didn't really care. He was happy with it being just the two of them.   
  
But you mother desperately wanted a child. She would pray and pray to conceive a child. Yet every month she would fail. In the beginning she was able to shrug it off. After all there was still time she would say. However, as the years past she would grow more and more despondent. Sometimes she would fall into a deep depression lasting for days when she failed to conceive. She stared going to every healer for help. Gods, some of the things she tried were unbelievable.   
  
Finally, she got pregnant. She was ecstatic. She called you her miracle. Thoughts of you consumed her. She would spend all her time talking, planning, or preparing for your arrival. Your father, well your father, became extremely jealous. I overheard him tell your grandfather how there were times he wished he had never gotten her pregnant. That's what's eating at your father. He feels guilty. He sometimes wonders if L~sama over heard that and decided to punish his selfishness by taking your mother away. So he blames you for everything. It's less painful that way. But the truth is that your mother's death was an awful tragedy with no one to blame.   
  
I never told you this before, because I thought we had settled this a long time ago. Now are you going to go tell that girl you love her?"  
//Have you given up on passion living day to day?  
You keep your dreams locked up inside.  
Choking on a lifetime of never taking a chance.  
Don't wake up one day wishing you tried.  
  
"I..," Gourry paused. He closed his eyes and images of Lina flashed by. He saw her laughing, angry, thoughtful, sand and concerned. He realized that if he never told Lina he loved her self-hatred would consume him. He would become a cold bitter man just like his father. He opened his eyes and said, "Yes I'm going to tell her."  
  
"Atta a boy?" Rei said. She then began to cough. Gourry rushed to her side. He stood there helplessly watching Rei shake, as the coughs were wretched from her body. The coughing fit ended and Rei lay back down spent.  
  
"Water," she croaked out.  
  
Gourry hurried up and filled the glass sitting on her night-stand. He gently helped Rei sit up. She gratefully sipped from the glass he held to her lips.  
  
"Enough," she said.   
  
Gourry lowered her down refilled the glass and placed it on the night-stand within easy reach. "What about you? Will you be okay if I go?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, Gourry. I'll be fine. After all I'm only dying." Gourry flinched at the bleak smile on Rei's face. He suddenly wondered if he shouldn't wait after all. "What about the dojo? The boys will soon be past Shara's knowledge. Is there some one else we could hire?"  
  
Rei sighed. "No, there's not. Good swordsmen are hard to find. When you do find one they want to go and find adventures. They don't want to teach at a small dojo, in a small village. But don't worry. Worst case scenario is that we close the dojo until you return. I have some money saved. We'll survive."  
  
Gourry didn't like her answer. He didn't know how long it would take to find Lina and he didn't want Rei worrying about money while he was gone. The dojo provided enough income for a comfortable life but there was very little money left at the end month. He wondered if Rei was being truthful. Or was she lying. It didn't mater he decided. He wasn't going anywhere until he found a replacement. He told Rei so.  
  
Five minutes later the argument was still going strong. A loud voice rang out. "Gourry Gabriev, I, Zangulus, have come to challenge you to a duel."  
  
Gourry smiled. "Rei, I think the solution to our problem has just arrived."  
  
"Is this Zangulus guy any good?" Rei asked.  
  
"Yea, he's almost as good as me but he needs to be handled delicately. Here's what we'll do." He bent down and whispered in her ear.  
  
"Okay, but if I don't think he's good enough I won't do it," Rei said.  
  
"Fair enough." He picked Rei up blankets and all and carried her outside. Once outside he ordered a student to get a chair form the kitchen. He then called out to Zangulus. "Hey, Zangulus, long time no see."  
  
"Well, Gourry, are we going to fight. Or are you going to hide behind that old woman?"  
  
Just then the young boy returned with a chair. "Ah, thanks Alfred. Just put the chair right here," Gourry said. Alfred put the chair down and Gourry settled Rei into it. "Rei, this is Zangulus. Zangulus this is my sensei, Rei."  
  
Zangulus bowed to Rei. "Ma'am he said. He turned and glared at Gourry. "Enough pleasantries. I came here to fight."  
  
Gourry nodded and entered the sparing ring with Zangulus. The fight began. Rei watched from the sidelines, evaluating every move. She quickly realized two things. One was that Gourry had improved. In fact, he now surpassed her. The second thing was that Zangulus was every bit as good as Gourry said. She watched for some time enjoying the on going fight before putting Gourry's plan into action.  
  
"Enough," she called out. Both combatants froze. "Gourry, stop wasting your time, he's just not good enough,"  
  
"What do you mean old woman?" Zangulus asked.   
  
Just then Mei-Ling came out of the house. "What's going on out here? Rei, you shouldn't be out here in this cold. Gourry, you take her inside right now. Shara you take these boys back into the dojo. I swear you all are lacking brains; I'm telling ya."  
  
She stomped back inside secure in the knowledge her orders would be followed. When the door slammed shut every one jumped and proved her right. Zangulus was left standing in the exercise ring wondering just what that old lady had meant when she said he wasn't good enough. He would wait and get the answer from Gourry he decided.  
  
Meanwhile, Gourry was carefully settling Rei back into bed.   
  
"So what do you think Rei?" Gourry asked.  
  
Rei nodded. "He'll do."  
  
"Good. I was worried there for a while. It took you so long to decide."  
  
"Actually, Gourry I made up my mind early on. I just didn't say so because I was having so much fun watching you fight. You've really improved."  
  
"You think so, Rei?" Gourry asked.  
  
"Oh, yes. You now surpass even me." Rei said. Gourry's eyes lit up and he smiled. She then changed the subject by saying, "So do you think you can talk him into it?"  
  
Even though Gourry wanted further praise from Rei, he knew how uncomfortable she felt about giving compliments. So he allowed the subject to drop. "Yea, I think so." Gourry leaned down and kissed Rei's check. "I'll let you know how it turns out."   
  
Gourry headed back to the sparing ring. The second Zangulus saw Gourry, he jumped up. "What did that old woman mean? I'm not good enough. Good enough for what?"  
  
"Oh, she's looking for a sword's instructor," Gourry said.  
  
"Why not you, Gourry?"  
  
"Me? I have some urgent business to take care of."  
  
"Hmm, teaching. Sounds like fun. Think you could talk her into considering me?"   
  
"I don't know. Why are you interested?"  
  
"Yes. You know I thought it would be great being a Prince. But it's not. It's boring. Maybe if Martina would let me handle something, it would be better. However, she's convinced she's the only one who can handle things. She's wearing herself out and she never has any time for me. If I don't have something to do, I'll go insane. So what do you say? Will you talk that old woman into giving me a chance?"  
  
"I'll see what I can do? Why don't you have a cup of tea while I talk to her?" Gourry said.  
  
"Umm, Gourry?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Will I have to talk to the amazon from earlier?"  
  
"Amazon?" Gourry said puzzled. "Oh you mean Mei-Ling. Don't worry about her. She's a sweetheart. Come on I'll introduce you."  
  
After lunch Gourry packed for his trip. Zangulus was settled into the dojo as the new sword's instructor. Rei was resting comfortably. She was happy that Gourry was going after Lina and satisfied with her new instructor.   
  
He smiled as he remembered the look on Zangulus face when Rei had said, "he's not you but I guess he'll do." His smile faded as he recalled how he made Rei promise that she wouldn't die until he came back with Lina. He wished he never made her make such an impossible promise. But he had desperately need it. He sighed. He knew she would do all she could to keep that promise. That had to be enough. Besides Zangulus had assured him that if Rei took a turn for the worse he would do all he could to find Gourry. He trusted Zangulus to keep his word. Gourry picked up his bag said his farewells. He decided to head to Lotus Island first. Maybe they would still be there. He hoped so. He couldn't wait to see Lina again. He began his journey with a bounce in his step. 


End file.
